


A thousand dead stars are looking down at you (and you turn and run)

by Louchie



Series: A Ballad Of Magic And Terror [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ahahahhhhh, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Characters are probably ooc but like hell if i care, Child Abuse, Cruciatus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Protective Siblings, Regulus Black Lives, Running Away, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Tags Are Fun, Torture, Walburga Black Bashing, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 16:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20933087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louchie/pseuds/Louchie
Summary: Walburga raises her wand, livid fury written on her face as her mouth forms the words for the spell, and Regulus realizes maybe Sirius was right to run away.Basically, Walburga uses Cruciatus on Regulus for some reason or another. Soon followed by Regulus coming to the conclusion that yeah, maybe Sirius was right for running away.In other words, I wrote the fic I wanted to read





	A thousand dead stars are looking down at you (and you turn and run)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [youurelovely](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youurelovely/gifts).

> I... Honestly don't know what to say for myself

"Stop whining like a child, Regulus. You’re bleeding all over my carpet.” Walburga's voice was icey, chilled. 

It made his made his heart stop in his chest because she only ever used _that_ tone when she was well, well beyond reasoning with. 

Sirius had always, always made him go upstairs when that cold, frostbitten edge wormed its way into her voice.

Because she was beyond reason and she was _angry._

"Get up and stop _whimpering! _Its_ pathetic._ You are a _Black_, you do _not_ cry and bleed. You stand up and _live_."

Regulus desperately tried to stop from trembling.

Showing fear only made her angrier. Enraged her more.

When he glanced down at his hands, they were shaking even harder than before. He clenched them into fists and breathed in and out, clenching his teeth.

It hurt. But it was nothing new. 

Pain was always temporary.

Regulus slowly pushed himself to his feet, and he could feel his blood dripping down from the lacerations on his back. Feeling almost exactly like bugs crawling on his skin. 

He tried to stand straight, stand to attention.

The cuts on his back burned as he shifted and despite everything, he couldn't hold back a wince.

Anger flashed in his eyes and somehow, someway he avoided cowering back.

He tried to meet his mother's eyes. To force a strong face. To look fearless. To look strong.

She had just cursed him, and he wanted nothing more than to cower back, run up to his room, _flee_.

But that would make her angrier. And he wasnt very certain he could take another curse like that. (Not without Sirius to patch him up after.)

Another drop of blood rolled down his back, and he _knew_ these robes were ruined.

He had rather liked them.

"Are you sorry Regulus?" Her voice was cold, calculated. There wasn't an ounce of affection in her tone.

Just cold anger. Boiling like liquid nitrogen. 

He breathed in, then out. Gathering his wits. "Yes, mother." He forced his voice to remain even. To not shake with the barely contained terror that was bouncing around in his chest.

Her expression changed to something somehow colder, and Regulus _knew_ he had failed at sounding sincere.

His voice was too robotic, too scripted. He knew it deeply as he forced himself to look up, and meet her livid gaze.

"That doesn't sound sincere, Regulus."

Her voice was curt and angry. Cold. With nothing but dissapointment and rage behind it. 

She was nothing like a mother should be.

She pointed her wand at him. Raised it quickly and deliberately. As if she had suddenly come to a inevitable yet obvious conclusion.

Fear jolted through his chest and he flinched.

Hard.

He couldn't help it.

He couldn't suppress it.

He'd never been good at seeming fearless, that had always been Sirius's forte.

Walburga's eyes seemed to be alight, now.

That cold gleam shed into something somehow more sinister. More terrifying.

Regulus forced himself not to cower away.

Not to curl up on the floor or run up the stairs, or out the door.

He wanted to, by god he wanted nothing more than to hide.

But he was trapped by her anger. A deer in the headlights.

Besides, running would only anger her more.

It always did.

"You know Regulus? I always thought you were better than Sirius. I always hoped and wished that miserable, sorry _waste_ of an heir would do _something_ so I could _burn him from the tree_ and make you heir."

She cupped his cheek in an almost motherly manner. Hand deceptively gentle yet in no way kind. 

"And when I finally got what I wanted for _years_ I was elated." Her hand was cold against his cheek. A mockery of affection.

"But in the end you _both_ are failures."

Her nails dug into his skin. Regulus didn't flinch. He just kept his eyes locked on her face in hope she would calm down. 

"Unfit to lead this house. Unfit to be in this family. You are both such _ disappointments._"

She retracted her arm, and her wand was now level with his chest.

"You know what spell is used on disappointments, don't you?" There is no affection in her voice. No disappointment either. Just hatred. 

* * *

Regulus could recall with vivid clarity the night before Sirius had told him he was going to leave.

Hearing Orion shouting through the floor as he sat curled up in his room. Hiding from the fighting. From the never ending yelling.

Hearing Sirius screaming right back to their father in vibrant anger and rage.

Sirius had snuck out, the day before. Been gone all day and night. Refused to say where he'd been, but Regulus knew he'd been out drinking. 

(Because he'd let Sirius in. Got him upstairs around 5am and a potion for his hangover. 

Sirius hadn't apologised.

Regulus hadn't expected him to.)

It wasn't long until Walburga's shrill screams joined the cacophony of voices.

He had expected it, of course. She always joined in inevitably. 

But it still made him curl tighter around his knees.

Walburga had been calling him a disappointment and a disgrace.

It had been the usual fighting, really.

The usual fire creeping up from the floorboards. Trapping him in an endless blaze because he could never, ever brave the stairs.

There was a loud crash, not entirely unexpected. 

Things would break often in their fights.

But then Sirius screamed.

Not the angry, sharp shout of anger. Of frustration and pent up rage. 

Not that scream.

Or the scream of pain when she cursed him.

Those were familier.

Those were normal.

It wasn't either of those.

It was a scream of true and complete _raw_ agony.

The sound of Sirius having Crusiatus cast on him.

(He remembers later that night, a half hour or so, hands shaking as he crept down the stairs.

He found Sirius curled up silently on the floor, muscles spasming like nothing else.

He had almost panicked, but Sirius just looked up with eyes full of unshed tears and quietly assured him that he was okay. Just that his legs were too wobbly to walk and to help him up the stairs. 

Sirius had hugged him, that night. Hugged him tight enough for Regulus to remember the feeling of his fingers digging into his back as Sirius desperately tried not to cry. 

It had been a very long time since he stayed with Sirius, rather than Sirius staying with him. But Sirius's hands were spasming so badly and his legs so wobbly he couldnt do much of anything.

So Regulus stayed.

He had written James that night. As soon as he could hold a quill.

And not 3 weeks later he was gone.

* * *

Regulus knew what she was going to cast.

There wasn't a doubt in his mind about the spell behind her lips.

And he was _terrified._

"You were up in your room. Curled into the corner crying because you could hear his screams. Crying because you were too weak to realize he was unfit for his title. To weak to stop caring when I burned him from the tree."

Regulus took a trembling step back. Backing away.

She was insane.

She was deranged.

She was his _mother_.

Sirius's scream echoed in his head.

"Are you going to run, Regulus?" She asked, eyes glinting with a sharpness that couldn't be human.

But it was. And it was aimed directly at him.

"Are you going to cower like a _child_?"

Regulus knew he couldn't escape her. Knew there were several flights of stairs and a locked door between him and the chance of escape.

So he just mutely shook his head.

Running would make her angrier.

Running would leave him more open.

And Walburga smiled.

A twisted mockery of warmth.

With her wand inches from his chest, Walburga spoke.

"Crucio."

The spell connected with his body.

And Regulus _knew pain_.

With that fact came the realization he was merely acquainted with it before.

He had thought he had known pain. 

Thought the countless hours spent bruised and bloodied in his room were knowing pain.

Thought the feeling of his mother's nails digging into his bruised body was knowing pain.

Thought his head colliding with the bottom step of a flight of stairs after his father tossed him down them was knowing pain.

Thought knowing that Sirius was _gone_ and everything was _going to hell_ in his absence because he's _alone_ with their parents and he had _no one _because Cissa is _married now_ and Andy _left all of them_ and Bella is- well _Bella_, was knowing pain.

Those were merely the ghost of a whisper in his ear.

A cold breath on the back of his neck.

A puff of air in his eye. 

This was pain grabbing him by the shoulders and screaming in all it's demented glory.

And so Regulus _screamed_.

He screamed louder than he ever did when Orion beat him.

Louder than he cried into a pillow he had Kreacher silence the night Sirius left.

Louder than the beat of his heart in his ears when he woke up certain death was outside his door in the middle of the night. That if he moved to quickly or too suddenly he would _die._

He felt his bones turn to jelly and every muscle every nerve every ounce of flesh contort and cramp in agony and he was _screaming_.

It lasted for eternity and for less than a moment.

Time stretching and shrinking to incorporate an eternity in an instant.

And then it was over.

And Regulus was on the carpet again.

Bleeding.

Walburga's voice echoed above him. Demanding. Nonsensical.

And Regulus couldn't move. 

Endless spasms of tortured muscles contorting his shaking limbs and he couldn't move.

Walburga's voice grew louder, angrier, and Regulus couldn't comprehend.

The words floating through his pain-addled head and he _knew _he should respond but he couldn't make sense of the words much less act upon them.

But he tried.

He tried to push himself up.

He tried to jump to attention.

Tried to make sense of the world around him despite it turning to a thick soup of nonsensical sensory input.

His limbs were noodles and his brain was jelly.

It wasn't long until her screams turned from angry to positively enraged and darkness tinged his vision in it's deepest darkest quality.

He was aware of a spell hitting him, suddenly.

For a moment it was like what was left of his brain fuzzed over, but that cleared in an instant.

And his body seemed to move on its own. 

Standing on its spasming legs, puppeteered without his will.

Imperius.

He somehow had the mind to want to cry.

His eyes were made to focus on his mother's face. 

"Are you sorry?" His ears made to comprehend.

"Yes, mother." The words fell from his lips. He didn't want them. "Yes mother I am so, so incredibly sorry for all I have done. For being a disappointment like my terrible negligent good for nothing waste of flesh brother. For being too weak to stand after a beating like a proper Black. For being a failure." His mouth made to speak words without his will. 

His body made to move through motions he didn't want. 

His tongue felt swollen. His eyes like warm grapes.

She released him from her iron tight grip on his will. "Now Regulus, dearest, are you sorry?"

Regulus couldn't force himself to speak. 

Couldn't pry words from his throat. 

Couldn't do anything but slowly sink to the ground.

His muscles twitched painfully. His eye ticked and he felt like bugs were crawling under his skin. 

"Regulus.. This is your last chance dear. Are you sorry?"

Regulus couldn't speak, and despite having no proper control over his body, he flinched at she pointed her wand at him again. 

"If you're not sorry I suppose I just have to punish you until you are, hmm?"

Regulus tried to hard to speak but he couldn't manage anything past a squeak.

"_Crucio_."

The spell cleaved through his body somehow deeper than the last time.

And Regulus screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

It lasted longer.

An eternity in a moment stretched to a minute.

A lifetime of agony and then it was over.

And Regulus's entire body felt tingly and cold.

Not numb. Almost like if his hand were asleep, but instead of pins and needles it was so, so cold but there were bubbles boiling from his pores.

"Are you sorry Regulus?"

Regulus tried to speak.

But his throat was locked with a key he didn't have.

She gave him a moment to answer. And looked dismayed when he couldn't speak. "I guess not, a shame. I wonder if you'll break before you say anything."

"_Crucio_."

Regulus wouldn't be able to tell you how long she went on until he somehow managed to croak out a sound she took to be an apology.

She smiled - serenely. Full of false joy and forgiveness. And knelt next to him, she lifted his chin so he would be forced to look at her. "Was that so hard, love? It doesn't need to be that hard! You just need to apologize."

Regulus somehow nodded.

Walburga smiled, and patted his head. 

"Have Kreacher bring you to your room if you can't walk."

Regulus curled into as small as a ball as he could manage. Which was more flopping his arms a bit more towards himself then curling into a ball.

Kreacher popped into existence. "..would master Regulus like to go to his room?"

Regulus nodded, and he was in his bed.

It was so much more comfortable then the floor.

Kreacher was perched on the side of his bed.

He looked scared.

It felt like an eternity until his voice returned.

Even longer until he managed to sit up.

Longer still until he convinced himself of the action he must take.

Sirius was right.

Sirius was always right.

There was nothing but pain for them here.

"..Kre- Kreacher.." His voice came out infuriatingly stutteringly.

Kreacher looked up. "..Yes master Regulus?"

"Fetch.. Fetch me a- a good robe."

Kreacher had a robe in an instant. 

Regulus took it, but his fingers spasmed and he nearly dropped it.

Kreacher looked at him with a scared expression. "Would master Regulus like assistance?"

"..yes."

He begrudgingly let Kreacher help him put it on.

"...Kreacher.. I- I order you too- too take me to Siri- Sirius." His voice refused to come out even.

He wanted to cry.

"Kreacher cannot do that master Regulus. Kreacher is forbidden."

"...Take me- me to the outside of wherever he is then?"

There was a loud pop, and Regulus found himself outside what he assumed was the Potters, on the doorstep.

It was with a spasming hand that Regulus pushed the doorbell.

And the door opened a few moments later.

James.

"..Regulus?"

"Is- is my brother here?" 

"..are you alright?" 

"I- I- I need him."

Regulus could feel his muscles twitching under his skin. 

He couldn't stop his shaky voice. His words from cutting off as something in his throat spasmed.

He was sure he was visibly trembling.

"Regulus you look terrible."

"James I- I need Sirius."

"Why are you here? What for?"

Darkness ate away at his peripheral vision, his legs creaking beneath him.

"Please. I- I can't-" Regulus was clutching the railing of the steps to hold himself up. His skin was crawling and he _ needed Sirius_. "I- need him."

James stepped out of the house and fished his wand from his pocket.

A million memories flashed through his brain and he felt himself flinch and he stumbled a few steps back.

He had both his hands on the railing now. Straining to hold himself up.

His bones ached.

James seemed to freeze up. Then slowly replaced his wand into his pocket. He was moving slowly now. 

Like he was approaching a hurt animal.

Or a terrified child.

"Did something happen with your parents?"

"I-" Regulus practically swayed into the railing. He doubted he could stand for much longer.

"It- I- I need my- I need my brother."

James hesitantly reached forward.

A single hand to steady him.

Regulus tried to not cower.

To stay strong.

To be a proper Black.

He failed.

"Did they hurt you?" James's eyes were wide and his tone bordering on harsh. "Are you hurt?"

Regulus's heart was beating so hard he felt like it might tear out of his chest.

He nodded.

(Never admit your hurt.)

(Never tell your enemies your injuries.)

(Never Never NeverNevernever_nevernever_..)

"Okay- okay. Come inside and I'll get Sirius okay?"

Regulus stumbled as he stepped towards James. 

Towards what he hoped was safety.

His right leg buckled and James swooped forward. Catching him with ease.

Regulus wanted to scream.

"_Bloody hell _ you're shaking bad." 

Regulus hated how he had to cling to James to avoid falling over.

He was deposited on a couch and he collapsed almost bonelessly onto it.

Everything inside him ached.

"Sirius!" James yelled in the direction of the hallway. "Get out here!"

Sirius took his sweet time coming down the stairs, and turned the corner with a rather dull expression.

Then he saw Regulus on the couch.

And his expression shifted to something darker.

His eyes went hard (like Orion when he was getting angry) and his lips thinned (Like Walburga when she raised her wand) and he walked briskly over.

"James, why is he here?"

His tone was harsh and cold.

Regulus almost forgot how to breathe.

"I don't know! He said he was hurt or something and he kept asking for you!"

Sirius looked at Regulus. "Why are you here, Regulus?"

(Why are you such a failure Regulus? Why couldn't you stay strong Regulus? Why can't you just be quiet Regulus? Why did you come here Regulus you know he hates you? Why do you why do you why why why whywhywhywhywhy)

"She-" Regulus's voice broke. (Why did he come here? Why did he think Sirius would care after he ran away after he cut ties after they fought after after afterafterafterafter) "She cast-" he couldn't say it. He couldn't talk. He choked on his words and buried his head in his arms.

Why did he come here?

Why did he ever think this was a good idea?

Sirius froze.

"Fuck." Sirius closed the distance and sat next to him. "What did she do?" He put a hand on Regulus's arm.

Regulus couldn't speak he just made some sort of garbled whimper. 

"Reggie.." Sirius said slowly. Carefully. Like he was examining the situation. "I can't help you unless you talk alright?"

"Crus- Crusiatus" Regulus stammered. "She used- she used Crusiatus."

He went to go on but Sirius's arms had already wrapped around him. 

(This is why he came here this is why)

Strong and healthy and real and alive and safe.

And safe.

Regulus was trembling.

He couldn't stop.

They hadn't beat that out of him yet.

"She- she wouldn't stop." He mumbled. "It- it hurt Siri.."

James was frozen in place at the mumbled confession.

And Sirius squeezed him and his hand dug into the still bleeding still fresh still open cuts on his back and Regulus, while he didn’t scream, made a choked sound that was all too loud for this quiet house.

He jerked back and _ this wasn't safe _and he stared at Sirius.

Sirius was frozen and he realized all too quickly what had happened.

"Fuck. Fuck you're _hurt_, hurt aren't you?" He hesitantly reached out a hand but retracted it as Regulus flinched.

Regulus's heart was beating so hard he could feel it pounding behind his eyes.

Sirius looked stricken. 

"Okay how bad is it? Father or mother? Do I need to take you to St. Mungos or is it okay?" 

"It's.. Mother. Moth- mother cursed me. That star- that star cutting spell she likes to much."

"Fuck alright _ that _ one. Can I touch you or do I just spell the dittany on?" 

Regulus didn't know how to respond. He did know that he probably couldn't handle having a wand pointed at him. "I- first one?"

"Can you get your robe off or do you need help?"

Regulus froze, a sudden bitterness flashing through his veins because he _isn't helpless_.

"I can _ do that much._" He snapped, or at least tried to, because he was rather certain his voice broke several times when saying it.

He was quick to discover that his hands were shaking too badly for him to even undo one.

He felt pathetic.

Sirius did that stupid eyebrow raise as to be like "are you sure you don't need help?" And Regulus just let him.

The silence as Sirius undid the buttons was unbearable.

So he filled it with another confession.

"She- she also- used Imperius." 

"Fuck Reggie.." Sirius had a look on his face Regulus couldn't place.

He almost looked scared.

(Sirius looking scared wasn't something he wanted to think about. Because if Sirius was scared they were about to die.)

Sirius pulled the robe from his shoulders and he just felt cold.

And open.

And vulnerable.

"I'm gonna look at your back now okay Reg?"

"You don't- you don't need to treat me like a- like scared toddler, Siri."

"Yeah but consider if I don't you'll be even pissier or panicking"

"Shut _ up._"

Regulus's back was bare, bruised, and bloody.

Typical for how Sirius would have looked, back at the house.

"Christ.." Sirius mumbled. "She_ really _ went all out didn't she?"

James made a choked sound from where he was standing and Sirius jolted. Swinging around to face him.

Like he had forgotten James was there.

"James he'll be fine, don't freak out over it"

"But-"

"He'll be fine. Can you go get the Dittany?"

"I- okay. Okay."

"Thanks."

James practically bolted away.

Sirius laced his fingers with Regulus's and held his trembling hand.

It was far more comforting than it should have been, to hold his hand. But the relief that Sirius was _here _was palpable.

"Care to explain why there are so many bruises?" Sirius's voice was almost soft, and Regulus wanted to cry.

"You _know_ why, Sirius."

Sirius.

Sirius Sirius Sirius.

He hadnt been allowed to mention his brother. He hadn't been allowed to think of his brother. He hadn't been allowed his brother.

His name was a comfort on his lips.

Sirius nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah I do." Sirius squeezed his hand back and Regulus never wanted to let go.

James came back and with a vial of dittany.

Sirius all but snatched it, letting go of Regulus's hand and that loss hurt alot more than it should have.

With his shoulders bare like this, he just felt cold. 

He wrapped his arms around his stomach and waited.

He felt vulnerable.

He felt open.

He really wanted to cry.

He would have, if he wasn't so stubborn.

"Reggie, I'm gonna put on the dittany alright?"

"Not a toddler, but- but okay."

Sirius laughed a bit. "Love you too, Reg."

Regulus wasn't exactly sure the last time Sirius had said he loved him, but it hadn't been said in years.

Beneath all the fear and pain and jittery weakness, Regulus felt warmth soak into his chest.

The dittany soothed the sharp pain of the cuts on his back in a way he didn't even notice was there.

His entire body felt tingly and numb yet raw and painful, where Sirius applied the dittany felt much cooler. Less like it was buzzing. If most of his body didn't hurt so much, he would have been interested in it more.

Sirius finished and then grabbed a blanket off the edge of the couch and wrapped it around Regulus's shoulders, before messing up his hair in a manner that was so familiar that he almost burst into tears.

He had missed him _ so much. _

"There we go. Better?"

"Thank you."

"Now, I'm gonna hug you for a long time and pretend I'm not crying because I missed you."

It hit Regulus with rather certainly that Sirius knew him better than anyone.

That Sirius had always been there and of course he would miss him too.

Sirius pulled him into a hug and Regulus felt tears spring into his eyes.

He was safe

Sirius was here.

He didn't mean to start crying, but a sob rattled from his lungs and Sirius without a word hugged him tighter.

* * *

James was, short of another word, freaking out.

Regulus has shown up out of nowhere and admitted to having two unforgivables used on him before just collapsing into Sirius's arms crying.

His back looked like someone had carved into it with a knife and there were_ so many_ bruises.

He felt _sick_.

And what was worse was Sirius hadn't even seemed surprised.

Like he had somehow _known_ what to expect.

Like it was _ typical. _

James was horrified and he didn't know what to do. His parents were out and Regulus probably needed a serious healer. (Crusiatus! He had CRUCIATUS used on him!) and Sirius just held him - talking too quietly for him to hear.

Eventually Regulus stopped weeping.

But he was still shuddering with every second.

His eyes twitched despite being closed tightly.

His fingers spasmed as he clutched into Sirius like his life depended on it.

He seemed animated by spasms and ticks. 

He seemed animated as his muscles crawled.

"Is.. Regulus you're uh. You're.. Twitching a lot? Should I- is there something we should do?"

Regulus didn't exactly respond as much as he pressed his face into Sirius's shoulder. Ignoring him.

"It's normal, James." Sirius's voice was low, and rather quiet.

"Is it? Is there a potion he takes or..?"

"No James- It's not- It's an effect of the fucking pain curse. It's not _ normal _ normal but it's not a surprise either."

"Uh- I didn't know that."

"You didn't grow up with Walburga as your mother."

"Fair."

"Look- Cruciatus attacks your muscles and makes them all cramp. I'd be far more worried if he wasn't bloody twitching."

"...?"

"If he wasn't twitching the muscles would have been damaged or shit." Sirius's grip on Regulus tightened a bit. Reg's head was tucked into his shoulder. "Then we'd be going to St. Mungos."

"We're still taking him to St. Mungos - when did you decide we weren't?"

"....we _ can't _ James."

"Why the _ hell not_?"

Regulus took a shuddering breath. "Because our- me and- and Sirius's family and the- the Malfoys fund the place." 

"What does that have to do with any of it???"

"They'd sell his location out in a minute, and besides Crusiatus is rather harmless."

"Rather harmless?? Sirius it's the PAIN CURSE"

"It doesn't scar or leave long term marks unless it goes on for bloody hours- He'll be _fine_ as long as" Sirius turned his attention to the 14 year old with his head ducked into his shoulder "_you get some bloody sleep Reggie._"

"....no.." 

"We should still go to a healer!" James cut in. "Regulus your back is in pieces and you are _ covered _ in bruises. You need a healer."

"I don't." Regulus mumbled. He didn't want to deal with this. 

Sirius blinked at James. "...you know we've dealt with much worse right? I must have told you.. Well actually no- Crusiatus is new but cuts and bruises? Fuck James we've delt with broken bones."

"You- _what_?"

"Reggie here was tossed down the stairs and broke his arm and we did all we could until next Hogwarts year before showing up in Pomfreys and having her heal it before the sorting even happened."

".....I _hated_ that"

"What the _ fuck._"

"James It's- James it's alright?"

"No it's _fucking not_ you never- You never ever told me it was that bad! Not once!"

"James it was just- that's just how it was?"

"_Please stop arguing_." Regulus said a bit loudly. "I can't- I just-" Regulus almost shivered as he pulled himself away from Sirius. Extracting himself from Sirius's embrace and huddling under the blanket.

He looks younger than he is, curled under the blanket like that.

"I can't deal with- with arguing right now."

"I just- it's not okay how they treated you two." James's eyes were still wide and he looked _so concerned._

"I know." Sirius said as he sat up and attempted to tug Regulus into his side.

Regulus exhaled sharply, almost exasperatingly but let himself fall into his shoulder. Curling against Sirius's side.

You could see his muscles twitching, under his skin.

"How do you feel Reggie? I should have asked you that a while ago."

"....unwell. I- I feel terrible. Everything feels like- _ bad_. Sort of numb but also like my entire body is asleep? It- it kind of hurts but.. Not as bad as earlier. And- I don't like it."

James made a distressed sound.

"But you can feel yourself leaning against me right?"

"Yeah.."

"Anything else?"

"I'm.. I'm really cold?"

Sirius started fussing with the blanket so it covered him more. Regulus didn't object. Much. 

"I'm.. Also rather tired…? I mean I can stay awake though."

"You should sleep then Reg."

"...I don't _want_ to."

"Then what _ do you _ want to do?"

"....sit here with you? I havnt seen you in _months_."

"If you _ sleep here _ with me it's pretty much the same thing."

"It's not."

"Sleep will help you. James can you go get the dreamless sleep?"

"I don't need that!" Regulus snapped. "I haven't in _ years!"_

"Yeah well Reggie, you look exhausted and you need to sleep because your tired and were fucking _ crucioed multiple times _ and also _ it's 10pm anyway._"

"No."

"I will cast a sleep hex."

"...those give me nightmares you _ know _ that. Also- _ please _ don't point a wand at me right now.."

"Yeah I'll get it." James cut in. 

James went to get the potion.

* * *

When he came back Regulus was sitting up, still huddled under the blanket but no longer leaning on Sirius's shoulder.

He started at the dreamless sleep with slight disdain, and reached to pour it.

"Wow Reggie I'm so proud your taking care of yourself."

"You're making me drink it."

"Yes?"

Regulus's fingers spasmed right before he grabbed it, and almost knocked over the bottle.

Sirius sighed and knocked his hand away, pouring enough for almost 12 hours of sleep into the cup.

"...that's _ so much._"

"Yeah and you need to sleep."

"But- that's so long!"

"Mmhm."

"Are you going to make me drink it if I refuse?"

"Probably."

Regulus grimaced and reached for the cup. "Fine."

Sirius caught his hand.

"You know, I don't trust you not to drop the cup."

"...Sirius, _no_."

"I don't want you spilling it."

"Sirius I can _ hold a cup_." Regulus reached out and picked it up, and Sirius's hand snapped out to hold it too. 

"Compromise?"

"_Eurgh. Fine._"

Regulus drank it without putting up a fight.

He yawned immediately and Sirius quickly became a living pillow/comfort object as Regulus fell asleep against him. 

* * *

As soon as Regulus was asleep Sirius seemed to fracture.

The collected calm vanished as soon as Regulus was asleep. 

Any semblance of fine vanishing in moments as Sirius covered his mouth and hunched over.

James sat down next to him forward and Sirius looked up with a panicked expression. 

"Sirius?"

"I _ left him _ James. I _ left him there _ and now _ this _ happened. I left him and now- _ oh god oh ** fuck**_. Look at him Jim! He's hurt!"

"Sirius.."

"He's just a fucking kid I should have known they would do this I should have _fucking known_ **_she_** would do this."

"Sirius how could you _ possibly _have known she would use Cruciatus?"

"Because she _ bloody did it to me James_!" Sirius snapped. "Remember how I called you up and said I was going to run away? When- when before I always said I was waiting until he was of age? She fucking-" His voice catches in a sob. "She fucking used it on me the night before I wrote and that pushed me over the edge. I should have _ fucking known_."

"Sirius- why didn't- Why didn't you tell me! I would have come and got you in- fuck I would bave been there in hours!"

"Of _ course _ I bloody didn't! You can't just- you can't just _ tell people _ that- that _ Walburga Black _ used _ Crusiatus _ \- it would- god I'd have been swarmed by interviewers and Arcturus would get involved and Reggie would have panicked - I heard him sobbing all night that night - and- the _ fucking tabloids._"

"Sirius…" James pulled Sirius into a hug. Sirius wrapped his arms around him and held back a sob. 

"I- I don't even know. I just- I fucking abandoned him Jim. I left him alone and of course this fucking shit happened he doesn't know _how to deal with them_ he grew up with _me_ protecting _him_ from them why did I think he would be safe?"

James hugged him tighter. 

"He's 14 James _ he's just 14_."

"He's safe now Sirius. He's _ not _ going back to them."

"I left him-"

"You _ saved yourself._"

Sirius took a long trembling breath.

"It's okay Sirius."

"It's not!"

"Well, there is nothing you can do about it now right?"

"I- I _ left him._"

"He's okay now."

Sirius shook his head. "Did you see his fucking.. Did you see how many bruises there were?"

"Yes."

"They hurt him."

"They hurt you, too."

"I left him."

"He's safe now."

Sirius hugged James tighter one last time and pulled back, before rubbed his eyes. "He's just 14."

"You were 15."

"....yeah."

Regulus shifted a bit next to Sirius and leaned into him a bit more.

Sirius froze, fearing he was awake and heard all of that. 

But Regulus just laid there.

Sirius laughed a bit hysterically. "I'm never fucking letting him out of my sight again."

**Author's Note:**

> I might post more Regulus stuff.. Eventually...
> 
> Edit: i did


End file.
